It's been over two months now since Todd spent his last day on campus and began his vacation before clinicals. We have been spoiled rotten, the kids and I, with him home 24/7. My house at times got cleaner than it usually did. Projects got started and actually completed. Such as: shelves were built for our out-of-control garage and yard work got caught up on. Trash was pulled out of the deepest recesses of our home. Small "honey-dos" got done that had been sitting on the back burner. My sanity somewhat returned (I say this loosely). But now my man is back to "work" for the first time in over 2 years. School was so hard on him. He had been a hard working man for over 15 years when he had to quit work to start medical school and somehow to him it seemed wrong. In his mind, a man goes to work and feeds his family. With 4 kids and a baby on the way it seemed almost unthinkable to him that he not be "bringin' home the bacon". But it was a subconscious struggle. He knew in his mind that he was investing in his families future; that he was making a sacrifice for us that was worth more than following convention. Not many men want to go to medical school with a family of 6. But God had given him a direction and had continued to open those doors and bless his efforts. It took a strength that I don't think I will ever understand to turn in his resignation at a job he had held with distinction for over 4 years and launch into the unknown of medical school. It was a gamble. If he didn't pass his first section (the first 8 weeks of school); if he didn't have what it takes to succeed in medical school then we would be way worse off than we had been before. He had a bachelors degree now so he could be promoted within his company before but now that he had quit, there was no going back. They'd already replaced him and he would have to start from scratch with a new company at the bottom of the totem pole.
He told me probably a hundred times those first few months of class (over 2 years ago now) that he didn't think he had what it takes. That he was sure he was going to fail. "I can't compete with these kids! They are young and fresh out of college. This whole schooling and test taking and studying stuff is second nature to them now. They were the top of their class in college! I'm 34 years old and my life doesn't center around books and studying. I'm a daddy, a husband and a provider! My family needs me! This is crazy..." But he hung in there and with every passing grade on a test he marveled and God must have smiled. But all the while his self esteem suffered as he took out loan after loan just to survive; as he sent his wife to work every evening, bringing their tiny baby to her work every few hours to have her nurse in the parking lot. His personality changed. While he experienced the satisfaction of passing his classes, it was always lessened by his feeling that he was just one test away from failing and leaving his family worse off. The pressure never seemed to let up. With the end of one test was the looming promise of another, harder one. He hung on again, with a strength I will never understand. But I longed to see the old Todd! I went months never hearing him laugh. The kids and I could sometimes bring a smile but most days he just tried to survive. I went through depression and isolation but he had no energy or time to try to help me. But we lived through it. I've learned some incredible lessons. God gave me some precious friends who came through for me when I had no idea how I was going to make it! And then almost as suddenly as it started, it was over. He had passed boards. He was done with classes and we were looking at 2 months of nothing to do... And of course, just in time God provided a teaching job for Todd; leaving us plenty of time to vacation and spend much needed family time but still brought in that little extra income and healed Todd's damaged ego. He had done great! He'd stayed in the middle of his class and passed everything. But what he really wanted to be doing was bringing in an income for his family and spending quality time with them on his days off. Making good grades and passing classes was not enough for him. He needed to be the kind of man he could respect. He was willing to sacrifice but he'd exhausted his patience with schooling and now he needed to start working again.
So today he began working as a Student Doctor. He doesn't get paid but he's no longer in the classroom; he's in the clinical setting and learning the things that made him want to be a doctor in the first place. It feels like a real job even though it's still training. And he's in heaven!
Thank you, Lord, for bringing us through. Thanks for giving me my man back! You are so ever faithful and I stand in awe of You!! I praise You for your goodness. For Your mercies that are new every morning! Great is YOUR faithfulness!
, and I need to spend another couple of hours organizing my class assignments and the kids school schedule so I can get it all done. PRAY FOR ME if you think of it!!! 
) and we got a few shots. These are the only two I've gotten edited. Cool, eh?
)
Recent Comments